Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

There is a quote by Jean-Luc Picard that has been hitting me hard in recent months, “Recently, I’ve become very much aware that there are fewer days ahead than there are behind.”

This quote first popped into my mind on the morning of my 50th birthday. I tried not to be maudlin about the day, but I’m a Gen X goth so that was a hard promise to keep. Still, I really do embrace aging as I know it’s a privilege not afforded to everyone. I have lost so many loved ones who never made it to the age I am now, and I don’t take that lightly.

I hold no delusions that I’ll live to be 100, so there really are fewer days ahead than there are behind for me. And that’s ok.

I’m blessed enough to look back on my past with fondness. There are some regrets, but I have made peace with them. I have loved and lost, succeeded and failed, and the good things rise to the top of my memory. But even if they didn’t, there’s no changing the past; we can only grow and learn from it.

So I am focusing on the future. I want the days ahead to be as joyful as the days behind. I want to spend time with my loved ones, travel to new places, eat good food, read good books, make art, make love, make a difference.

And yeah, it’s hard to be optimistic with the shit storm we’re living through right now. There’s a delicate balance between saving your peace and being oblivious. But like Burr said, “I am the one thing I can control.” You can change yourself to change your environment, and I plan to do that.