Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.

By 2004, I realized I had to get out of my abusive marriage. Things had always been really rough, but they reached a boiling point that year. However, I had nowhere to go. My abuser, like many abusers, had alienated me from my support system. He made sure to drive a wedge between my mom and me, and I was too naive to see it.

I didn’t grow up with abuse. The men in my life were all loving men who provided safety and security in our family. My brothers are good men, and my nephews will be good men. I didn’t know that men came any other way. When you’re young and you’ve grown up somewhat sheltered, it’s easy to be manipulated. People say, “Marriage is hard” but they rarely tell you where the line is between “hard” and “unacceptable.”

For years, I thought the issues in my marriage were my fault. Maybe I am too emotional. Maybe my ambitions are too big. Maybe my needs are immature and petty.

But in the spring of 2004, I realized that there is nothing wrong with me. I had made myself so small to please his narcissism that there wasn’t much of me left.

I went to a lawyer for a free consultation. I told her about the abuse and she said “The judge won’t care about that. Just file on the grounds of incompatibility and walk away.”

I was floored. I went to a few more consultations and they all said the same thing while having varying levels of fake sympathy. They left me feeling violated all over again, and more helpless than ever.

I gave myself about a month to come to terms with everything. When I finally agreed to file for incompatibility and not fight for justice for my abuse, tragedy struck. My abuser’s father passed without warning, and I felt more trapped than ever. I felt like I couldn’t leave when that had just happened. And my abuser put on a big show of making changes in his life and being a better person, and I fell for all of it.

Four years later, nothing was better. In fact, it was worse. However, I had been working hard on repairing the bonds of my support system, especially with my mom. In the summer of 2008, I went to her and asked, “Can I come home?”

Without hesitation she said yes, of course. She and Dad got to work immediately to make room for me in their home, my childhood home. They didn’t ask questions. They were just there.

After I moved in, with my two cats and my dog, I sat them down and told them everything. Every brutal detail. They were horrified and angry. They were even more angry that I wouldn’t be able to hold my abuser accountable for his actions in court.

The divorce came and went, and I spent the next two years in intensive therapy. I barely left my parents’ home, and they were ok with that. They gave me the space I needed to heal and return to myself. I will forever be grateful to them for that. I never would have been able to escape my abuse without their love and support.

It’s far too easy to ask “Why don’t they leave?” when someone is being abused. Let me tell ya, it’s not as simple as all that. Not everyone has parents like mine who would welcome them back home without questions or conditions. Not everyone has a support system in place for when they are in crisis, especially if the abuser has isolated them (which is a common abuse tactic).

My parents saved me when I was at my lowest point, and I’ll never be able to thank them enough.